Reset Ritual III Answers

PAST
Resentments
Write down the name of a person, place, or thing you may be holding any resentments towards. Think about the event that has led to your current resentment towards this person/place/thing. Below the name write out and answer the following questions. If there are multiple events that have led to resentments against one person/place/thing, then deal with one event at a time. Start with the first event that comes to mind and answer the questions fully, then repeat the following questions for each other event related to that individual. You may not have an answer for each question. This is ok and can be expected for some situations. What's important is that we reflect to see if there is something that is uncovered from the question. Activating event - What is the Activating event?—What happened? What did I do? What did others do? What idea occurred to me? What emotions were I feeling?
Beliefs - What do I believe about the Activating event? Which of my beliefs are helpful/self-enhancing beliefs and which are dysfunctional/self-defeating beliefs?
Consequence - Am I feeling anger, depression, anxiety, frustration, self-pity, etc.? Am I behaving in a way that doesn't serve me? (drinking, attacking, moping, etc.)
Dispute - Dispute the Beliefs to find which may be irrational—What is the evidence that my belief is true? Did I have a part to play in this event? If I re-evaluate the event, in what ways could my beliefs be inaccurate? It's important to note that not all resentments necessarily have a part you played in them. This is especially true for people who have suffered from abuse. Many of these questions may not apply to some resentments. This is not about blaming yourself for the actions of others. It is to challenge yourself to think critically on your feelings from your past and possibly gain different perspectives.
Effective New Belief and Emotional Consequence - What helpful/self-enhancing new belief can I use to replace each self-defeating or irrational belief ? Was there something I could have done differently? What are my new feelings?
Here is a simplified example of what an ABC process could look like for a resentment:

1. I resent my neighbors
1. Activating event - My neighbors were being loud so I went and yelled at them.
2. Irrational Belief - They SHOULDN'T be making that noise.
3. Consequence - I feel angry and irritable.
4. Dispute - Why shouldn't they make any noise? Was shouting at loud people the healthiest and most logical choice?
5. Effective New Belief - People do make a lot of noise sometimes. It's what they're good at. I will choose to not let this upset me so much and to try and react rationally.

[+] My resentment towards others:

1. Activating event -
2. Irrational Belief -
3. Consequence -
4. Dispute -
5. Effective New Belief -

An example for a resentment towards yourself may look like this:

2. I resent myself
1. Activating event - I tried to do something and failed.
2. Irrational Belief - I should have been successful. I should always have success.
3. Consequence - I feel depressed and upset with myself.
4. Dispute - Where is it written that I'm not allowed to fail at things?
5. Effective New Belief- It isn't realistic to think that I will always be successful at everything I do. I am allowed to fail, and I can benefit from learning from those failures. It doesn't serve me to beat myself up about my past.

3. [+] Repeat 1 & 2 for each person, place, or thing you may be harboring resentments over.
4. [+] Has this revealed any patterns?

Harmful Actions Once you have completed all of this, go over it fully with an Ally in recovery that you can trust.

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Ritual Tools:

• An object to designate as your talisman. This may be anything such as a stone, a coin, or a piece of jewelry. Find an object that suits you best.
• Ashes from Ritual II
• 3 candles
• Lighter/matches
• Small bowl of water
• Small empty bowl
• Teaspoon of sea salt
• Small towel or paper towel/napkin

Location:
A private space

Preparation:
Spend three days reflecting on your answers to the questions for Ritual III and deciding on the object for your talisman. On the first of the three days reflect on your past and your past behaviors, on the second day reflect on your present and how you think of yourself and your current relationships, and on the third day reflect on your future and your goals.

Place the three candles in front of you towards the front of your altar space. Put the ashes from Ritual II into one of the small bowls and place it on the left side of the altar. Put enough water to submerge your talisman into the second small bowl along with a teaspoon of sea salt. Place this bowl towards the right of the altar. Place your talisman in front of you at the center of the altar.

Pick up your talisman and place it in the ashes. Rub the ashes over your talisman and say,

Take your talisman out from the ashes and hold it in the smoke above the flame of the second candle taking care not to burn yourself. Say,

Place your talisman back down in front of you to cool. Light the third candle. Say,

Pick up your talisman and submerge it in the salt water. Say,

Take your talisman out of the water and dry it off. Hold it in front of you and process and reflect upon the steps you have just taken. When you are ready complete the ritual by saying,

You now have a talisman to keep with you as a reminder of your progress, all of the hardships you have overcome, the good within you, and the good you put out into the world.